Games
by MooseOnARoof
Summary: Daft one-shot. Set after Saviours. House decides to mess with Wilson in revenge. Rated M for theme.


_I don't own House or Wilson nor do I have them on my persons or hidden in a cupboard in some dinghy warehouse somewhere._

_A/N Set after Saviours. House decides to mess with Wilson in revenge. Daft one-shot. Rated M for theme. Enjoy :D_

* * *

"Wilson!" House flung the door of Wilson's office open, much to the shock of his oncologist friend who proceeded to jump in his chair.

Wilson reached down and rubbed his right knee which had took the impact of the underside of his desk. He cursed under his breath and glared at House. "Can't you just knock? Or even better, not come at all?"

House swung his cane around his finger. "Well that would be no fun because I wouldn't get to do this." House inhaled a deep breath, turned around to face down the corridor and put his hands over his eyes. "Oh my God! Dr. Wilson! What are doing masturbating under your desk? At this time..."

Wilson ran from behind his desk and stuck his hand firmly on House's mouth. "Shut up! God's sake" He manhandled House into his office and gestured angrily for him to sit on the black couch. Wilson noticed a unamused looking nurse giving him a disapproving look. He gave her an apologetic smile. "I wasn't masturbating." He sheepishly stepped backwards into his office and shut the door.

"Sorry about that, but when you rubbed your knee..." House rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, feigning idiocy. "...it looked like you were saying hi to little Jimmy."

Wilson waved a defeatist hand at House; he couldn't be bothered to argue. His day felt like it was lasting long enough without a range of barbed comments about his penis adding to it. He took a seat back behind his desk and gently loosened his tie. "So...What do I owe this dubious pleasure?"

"Are you free tonight?" House lolled his head back onto the head of the couch and looked at the ceiling.

Wilson shrugged. "Um... I'm not sure. Why?"

"Nothing much. Just got you a date for tonight that's all?"

Wilson's mouth dropped open ever so slightly. He gently scratched behind his ear and puffed out his lips. "Well... um...Who is she?"

"Nobody really. Just someone I know who's hot and very much your type." House met Wilson's studious gaze. He could sense Wilson wasn't entirely convinced by his proposition.

Wilson narrowed his eyes and drummed his finger gently on his chin. He wasn't sure if House was trying to pull a trick or not. "What's the catch?" He kept his eyes firmly fixed on his friend on the couch.

House raised his hands in defence. "No catch. She's just a friend in need."

Wilson chuckled and shook his head. "Well that's crap because I'm your only friend and I can't imagine you having a female friend that I don't know about."

House gave a meagre smile and stood up from Wilson's ridiculously comfortable couch. "Fine. I only a thought with you not having got yourself any women recently and you being a sex maniac and all, that you would jump at the chance for fresh meat." House limped his way towards Wilson's door without looking back at his friend, who was running his hand through his hair in agitation.

"OK. One, I am not a sex maniac. Two, I did date that nurse from New York remember? And three, I'll be there." Wilson grabbed a pen from the small box on his desk ready to scribble down the details.

"Chloe's Bar. Eight thirty. She be the tall, brunette one with the killer legs. You can't miss her." House watched as Wilson scrawled down the time and place in his usual messy, but oddly feminine handwriting. "You can ring me if it goes wrong."

Wilson folded the piece of paper and stuffed it in his jacket, which hung over the back of his chair. "Oh wait. What's her name?"

House stopped abruptly in his tracks. "Sarah." He watched Wilson nod to himself. "Right I am going to go and avoid Cuddy and clinic duty now. Good luck tonight you old dog." He gave Wilson a knowing wink.

"Thanks House. I'll see you later." House left the office and slowly closed the door behind him. Wilson put his head back down to the paperwork on his desk and a tiny self-satisfied grin crept across his face. He had been on blind dates before and they usually ended up going pretty well so there was hope for this evening.

House leaned his back onto the front of Wilson's door and stifled a huge laugh. He was surprised how easy that was as he had expected a lot more of an interrogation then he actually got. Maybe Wilson was just horny and desperate as he was and willing to try anything to satisfy his sexual urges.

House flipped out his phone and dialled a familiar number. "Hey, it's House. He's up for it. Eight thirty at Chloe's Bar, you got that......Yeah no problem.....I'll pay you next time I see you....Do your worst....You're going to love him....OK...Bye." House slipped his phone back into his pocket and limped back towards his office with a grin like a Cheshire cat spread across his face. _Wilson is going to have some fun tonight._

* * *

It was just past eight thirty when Wilson arrived at Chloe's Bar. He had been here before but his memories of the place were hazy due to the volume of alcohol consumed on that particular evening. Immediately he felt overdressed for the venue so he removed his professional looking tie and fumbled it into his jacket pocket.

_Tall, brunette one with the killer legs. _That's what House had told him. He scoured the tables first, then the bar and sure enough, standing at the bar, was a tall brunette sipping on what looked like Margarita. The legs were the first thing he noticed. Slender, smooth looking and seemingly the height of skyscrapers, they were by far the most mesmerising pair of legs he had laid eyes on since he first met Amber.

After collecting his thoughts and his mouth from the floor, Wilson made his way towards the bar, nervously patting his hair down and straightening his shirt. When he got to the bar, he gently cleared his throat trying to catch the attention of his blind date. She didn't hear so he resorted to gently tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention.

The brunette swiftly swung her head round. "Ah. You must be James. I'm Sarah."

Wilson's mouth became paralysed as soon as he clapped eyes on her face. She was stunning looking, with killer cheekbones and soulful hazel eyes. He leaned over and gave her an air kiss before getting his face and brain back into check. "Um.. Yes I'm James." She was a lot taller than he was expecting being only an inch shorter than his own 5'11 stature. "You want to get a seat?"

"Sure."

Wilson gestured for her to take the lead out of courtesy but also to check out her legs from the back again. As much as he enjoyed putting on the sweet and caring James Wilson on for his dates, he was also a red blooded male who loved a good pair of legs. Balancing both sides out was the key but when they were this distracting it was hard for Wilson to keep his eyes from flitting down. They took a seat in the back corner of the bar.

Sarah carefully twiddled her cocktail stick between her fingers. "So how do you know House? He didn't tell me much about you apart from you were single and reasonably good looking. He was right." She winked.

Wilson faintly blushed. "I work with him and I'm his friend. I thought his only friend but apparently he has you..."

Sarah waved his hands up."...No. No. We aren't friends, just acquaintances. We met a few years ago and we keep in touch sometimes."

"Oh. That's fair enough I guess. But yeah I've known him about fifteen years now I think."

"Cool. Where did you guys meet?" She finished off the last of her Margarita in one swift swallow.

"Medical conference. Very boring conference at that. To cut a long story short, we had some coffee and it started from there really." Wilson was suddenly very aware of the tension he was experiencing in his lower body. He could feel himself warming up and he was sure he was sweating. He carefully took off his jacket and placed it on his lap, hoping to hide anything that may be lurking around his trousers.

"And you've been friends ever since. Wow. That's pretty amazing." Sarah picked up her bag and began rifling through it. "Would you excuse me? I'm just going to reapply some make up."

"Sure. No problem." Wilson turned his head and his eyes followed his date's legs all the way passed the bar and into the corridor that led to the toilets. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and dialled House's number.

"_What?"_

"It's Wilson."

"_How's it going?"_

"Really good. She's stunning and those legs. Wow those legs. House I officially love you."

"_See and there was you thinking there was catch. Do you have no faith in me Wilson?"_

"Don't push it. Where did you find her?"

"_I just met her a few years ago that's all. Nothing important."_ There was a quiet beep in the background. _"I've just been paged. I've gotta go. Hope you get lucky."_

Wilson folded his cellphone and put it back in his pocket. He clasped his hands together as he awaited the return of his date. Eventually she came back with another drink in hand and a juice for Wilson.

"I figured you were driving."

Wilson gratefully accepted the drink. "Oh. Thank you very much."

Sarah took her seat back onto the faux leather chair. Before long she and Wilson were in deep conversation, discussing his job to her political preferences, their favourite books and film and what their aims in life were. Wilson was surprised to learn that her favourite film was Straw Dogs which was not a film Wilson thought that women liked. He also discovered she could take her alcohol extremely well as he counted at least six Margaritas passing her lips.

It was ten thirty before they made their move.

"You fancy coming back to my place?" Sarah stroked Wilson's cheek teasingly.

Sex on first dates was not usually his style but Wilson found the offer too hard to resist. "Sure." He opened his car door and helped Sarah into the passenger seat and then took his seat on the driver's side. As he turned on the ignition, he felt Sarah's hand slide onto his thigh. She giggled innocently as she watched Wilson squirm in his seat, trying to concentrate on driving while at the same time trying to contain his sexual urges.

They arrived at Sarah's apartment just after eleven. She hurriedly teetered her way to her front door and suggestively begged with her finger for Wilson to come in. "Come on in big boy."

Wilson gleefully followed her instruction and slipped in the front door.

* * *

House was awoken suddenly by a hard fist banging on his door. He groaned, rolled over and gave a squinted gaze at his alarm clock. 00:05 it read. The fist continued to rattle the door as House wearily climbed out of his bed.

"Coming!" He grabbed his cane and limped towards the door. The fist was still pummelling the door. House was surprised it hadn't come off of its hinges by now. "I said I'm coming!" He begrudgingly opened the door and found a pissed off looking Wilson with dishevelled hair and a face like thunder. House bit his lip and stifled a smug grin. "Oh it's you. Where's your date?"

Wilson growled under his breath and barged into House's apartment almost knocking House over on the way in.

"Hey pretty boy. Why the long face?"

Wilson turned round with his hands placed angrily on his hips and glared venomously at House. "You know fine well why I am pissed?" His voice was low and laced with hostility.

A grin spread across House's face which he tried to hide by sucking in his lips. "I... um...I don't know what you are talking about?"

Wilson ran his hand through his hair and pointed his index finger directly at his giggling friend. "You ass! I can't believe you!"

House burst into laughter. "Oh come on. It was funny."

"Funny?! Funny?!" Wilson's eyes were widening with every word. "Setting me up with a hooker was funny! Not to mention the fact the she was a he!"

House's smiled dropped into a mock frown. "A man you say. This is impossible. I would have noticed such an obvious anatomical anomaly."

"Shut up House. I can't believe you. The worst thing is I didn't work it out until we were half naked and I touched his or her or whatever's things." Wilson shuddered.

"You touched his balls?"

Wilson mouth straightened into two thin lines and narrowed his eyes.

House gave a loud howl. "Testicle fondling on the first date! You terrible old flirt." He threw his cane to the floor and hobbled around to take a seat on the couch.

Wilson placed his fingers on his forehead and sighed. "I feel violated."

House waved his hand. "You'll get over it."

"Hey. What did you mean you would have noticed it?"

"I was joking. I knew it was a guy. I thought you would have got that from the mocking face I was doing as I said it."

"What? You've used her or him before." Wilson furrowed his brows.

"It's a hooker. Of course I have used her. I mean him. I think." House raised an eyebrow.

"Gay hookers? Wow. That's surprising even for you."

"No not sex. You're so naïve young James." He gestured for Wilson to take a seat. "I used it for other activities. You know the stuff."

Wilson nodded, pretending to know when in fact he didn't really understand. He had only used a hooker on three occasions and they were all female with the correct parts. "You know what, I think I'll just go. I feel like I need a shower and I am scared to touch anything with this hand." He waved his right hand in the air and grimaced.

House smiled. "Oh get over it. Like you haven't touched testicles before. I touch them all the time. Look." House stuck his hands down his pants and rummaged. Then he waved his hand towards Wilson. "Ooooo."

Wilson scrunched his eyes closed. "My own yeah! But some random hookers, no. I don't know where he or she has been."

House rolled his eyes. "If you're that bothered by it you can go and wash your hands in the kitchen."

"Thanks." Wilson quickly made his way into House's kitchen and ran his hand under the tap, rubbing in some washing liquid to clean his hands thoroughly.

"That was for screwing with me the other day."

"What?" Wilson dried his hands on a cloth.

"The date. That was my revenge for screwing with me."

"Well that's not fair. I only ate some gummy bears. You can't equate setting your friend up with shemale hooker with me eating some gummy bears."

"You forgot the touching the balls part. You touched the balls of a shemale hooker."

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. That is never to be discussed again by the way."

House tutted loudly. "Well that ruins the fun of it."

"House!"

"Fine, fine. I won't tell anybody. Not yet anyway."

"I can't believe you did that just to get back at me." Wilson headed towards House's front door. "Well if that's the game your playing then just you wait."

"Oh are you going to set me up with a geriatric hooker? I love those. So dedicated and experienced."

Wilson grimaced in disgust. "Well that's...um...nasty." He buttoned up his jacket and opened the door. "I'll get you back for this House. See you tomorrow." Wilson left and the door slowly closed behind him.

House rubbed his hands in glee. "Let the games begin."


End file.
